Sometimes the gospels make us do a double take. We have to stop and ask ourselves, “Did I really hear that?” or “Did he really say that?” Sunday’s gospel is one of those occasions. Jesus says to the large crowds, “If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” This has the makings of a sociological nightmare without further investigation.
Matthew 10:37-38 softens the line somewhat when he says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me.”
Commentators argue back and forth about which line Jesus himself is more likely to have uttered. Based on a basic principle of textual criticism that “the more difficult reading is probably the more original,” many argue that Matthew must have softened an originally harsh demand by Jesus regarding what discipleship required. Thus, “loves more” is much different than saying “to hate.”
The bottom line is that discipleship means letting go of even the most basic family ties if it means being separated from Christ. Commentators point out that in most cases, such family ties would not interfere, since so often, family members are also disciples. But in the earliest years of the developing Church, such conflicts were no doubt quite real.
Not even “his own life” can get in the way of the true disciple’s relationship to Jesus. Those who would try claim “my body is my own” would have a hard time fitting that motto into the role of being a disciple of Jesus. At the same time, those who walk to the “power of pride” tend to forget that the God of Christians humbles earthly pride, in line with Mary’s prayer at the visitation, “He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart ... lifted up the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.”
There is much that can claim our allegiance in place of Christ. The following instructions indicate that a disciple must weigh options like one planning to build a tower without accounting for how to pay for it, or like a king or any leader planning for war. If the opposing forces outnumber the planner two-to-one, the planner must decide if his smaller numbers are strong enough to take on a much greater number of opponents. If not, Jesus assumes, as would most people, that the potential battler would sue for peace. It seems like a simple plan. What’s surprising is how often such planning is faulty and the battle goes on anyway!
But we note again how strong the conclusion is: “In the same way, every one of you who does not renounce (literally, “say goodbye to”) all his possessions cannot be my disciple.” That is much more than hating one’s various relatives. To be a disciple of Christ is not easy. It is curious how many people want to make it easy.
We must grow ever more comfortable with this basic concept of saying goodbye to everything else that might separate us from Christ. We ought to do this or stop pretending that we are his disciples. Being aware of that tension is part of the process of maturing in Christ. Some are destined to remain immature at best. If we do not carry the cross, we cannot be his disciple.